Why Trying to Fit In Doesn't Work

With the holiday season upon us, and the stress some are faced with, yet again this year, just like every year... dealing with the in-laws or long lost crazy uncle, being forced together to have a happy holiday season, let's face it... It's a stressful time of year. But it shouldn't be! I have a little story for you...

I've been taking voice lessons on and off for the past couple of years. In my last lesson, I was having some trouble. I just wasn't singing well. I wasn't hitting the right notes and my timing was off. I was annoyed with myself and my frustration was building. Finally, my voice teacher said to me, "Stop thinking, stop trying so hard, and just sing." So I did.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and let go. Suddenly I was singing again, and sounding great. Afterwards, it occurred to me that I was just trying too hard.

I was trying to hit the right notes,
trying to breathe in the right places,
trying to project my voice...
I was caving under the pressure.

But once I stopped trying so hard and started trusting myself, the pressure went away. My performance improved greatly, I felt relaxed, and I had fun.

If you're trying really hard to live life the way you're "supposed" to, then chances are you're stressed out, frustrated, and overwhelmed. Stop trying to fit in and start embracing your differences. Trust yourself and do what works for you, not what works for everyone else. Some examples include:

* Feeling comfortable taking care of yourself, even if that means saying "no" to people or taking a day off just to relax

* Doing whatever it is you have to do in order to pay attention, even if that means doodling in a meeting

* Organizing yourself in ways that are comfortable for you, even if that means being a little disorganized compared to most people's standards

* Refusing to stress out about the little things, even if that means running a few minutes late sometimes

Don't try to be good at everything. Don't try to conform to other people's standards. Set your own principals and standards and stick to them for you, not someone else.

Success isn't all about money and material gains. It's about feeling comfortable being yourself, and finding solutions to your challenges on your own terms. It's about enjoying your life, and having confidence in yourself.

Most entrepreneurs aren't afraid to be the "odd one out" because they know that following other people's rules doesn't always work. It leads to stress, frustration, anxiety, and pressure. Breaking those rules and making your own is sometimes a much better fit.

Wouldn't you rather be happy and successful than waste energy trying to fit in?

So go ahead and let your relative attempt to guilt you about whatever their hang-ups are... how you aren't good enough for your spouse or you don't cook right or whatever... They're going to do it anyway. Bring it on. If you refuse to let their standards be imposed upon you, then *POOF* no worries. Once you don't let them get to you, it's kinda fun to watch them try.

Here is a good book if you suffer from a little "Trying to Fit In Syndrome"... Apparently some adults with ADD are especially vulnerable to this. Even if you don't have ADD, most of us have so much crammed into our brain that sometimes it's a challenge to stay organized and prioritize what's important. And that is taking care of yourself.

If you don't have much cluttering your gray matter, congratulations! What's that like?!

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Jennifer Koretsky is the Founder of the ADD Management Group, Inc. and the author of the new book Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD. Jennifer and her team work with ADD adults who are overwhelmed with everyday life in order to help them simplify, focus, and succeed. For free resources and information on adult ADD, visit http://www.ADDmanagement.com .