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Would you have taken this position if you'd read this employment opportunity?

POSITION AVAILABLE:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Extensive courier duties also required, all at your expense.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, the screams from the backyard are not someone kidding around this time.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish plumming and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production and timely completion of multiple home-based educational projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always strive for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product and all of their actions.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for 18 years to life constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
You are expected to accept and look forward to this without complaining.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

None. In fact, you pay the client, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when clients turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. After working all your life, when you die, you give them whatever is left.
The interesting thing about this reverse-salary structure is that you will find you somehow enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While you will receive no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered nor expenses reimbursed; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

To fellow parents everywhere. Well done!